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The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

Edit: weekday bump, brah

Every year at the end of June, Seattle shuts down a couple miles of Greenwood Avenue for the Greenwood Car Show, an insane and glorious mix of muscle cars, hot rods, VW microbusses, and anyone else who wants to pay for a spot on the lineup. Sometimes you'll think you've detected a trace of rational organization —all the beetles in one line, let's say— and then you'll realize that there's a Dodge Viper thrown right into the middle of them and that this whole thing is really just a fantastic piece of automotive improv.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

I know what some of you are thinking—"Seattle?! No!" I can feel your incredulity. I shared it once! But despite being the Northwestern capital of Teslas, Prii, and fair-trade organic coffee-flavored dog treats, the Emerald City has a secret obsession with fine automobiles of any kind. I suspect this is a result of being located in close proximity to technical and gorgeous mountain-attack roads, sweeping coastal cruises, gnarly off-road tracks, and the most astoundingly inadequate public transportation system ever paired with a supposedly progressive US metropolitan area. Regardless, there's something for everybody here.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

Including time travelers.

Despite literally living on Greenwood (don't worry, I'm not wealthy or interesting enough to stalk), I'm always taken a little bit by surprise on carshow day, because I pay basically zero attention to the banners and signs hung up for (apparently) weeks leading up to it. After my first year of this, I felt a little guilty about that—what a terrible gear-head I am!—but I've since rationalized realized that things are better this way. Sure, I'm vaguely aware that the show will happen each summer, but it's like car-guy surprise Christmas when it actually strikes. I quite enjoy waking up, stepping out my front door and thinking "Dear god, what is this? What's happening? Are we being evacuated? Are we...wait. Wait! I'm standing in a car show OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT"

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

A small child informed me that Panther Pink was a "Girl Color." I told her she was a goddamn liar. I won't stand for that kind of sexism and gender stereotyping coming from our nation's youth.

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I photographed approximately 1/nth of the cars on display based purely on what caught my eye at any given moment, because ain't nobody paying me for this. So let's call this a highlight reel. Interested parties can probably find more details on their website.

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I will refrain from calling out particular years/makes/models/etc. here, because the internet will inevitably prove me wrong in some minute technical aspect. I've been hurt before.

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Do you love me now, Torchinsky?!

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TVR might have trouble keeping them attached to the car while in motion, but damn their hoods are good at just-barely-missing the [perfectly level] ground.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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It really is an eclectic mix of vehicles. You never know what's going to pop up next. The organizer's guiding rule seems to be "F*ck yeah we'll put it in!" and I love them for it.

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Hubcaps? MAXIMUM AERODYNAMICS. Engine? POINTY BITS.

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These clearly go together.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

There's usually a block or two dedicated to old emergency vehicles. If that's your thing. It's not really my thing but I took these pictures for you anyways.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

A 500e? Throw it in next to...those things!

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Ok so it IS still Seattle. You're gonna see some electrics.

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I am not ready for this brave new world.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

WTF is I don't even

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#BallcapTanktopCamoShortsDatsun.

Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

Because offroad.

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Hey it's a...waitaminute...

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Impostor!

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There we go.

One fellow crawled under there and informed the crowd that it was indeed the "original aluminum nose." So there's that. I hope that increases your enjoyment of this picture.

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show

Surprise of the year: just a freaking TON of Avantis.

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Well probably several tons, if we're being accurate.

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The new Corvette (do we call it a "Stingray" at all times?) does look awfully good in person.

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This pair was recalled minutes later. They promptly killed eight pedestrians with explosive headlight-shrapnel before they could be sedated by authorities and their GM handlers.

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The Viper was also responsible for several fatalities throughout the day, but this was determined to be a normal operation for the vehicle.

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[GT40 joke!]

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Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
Illustration for article titled The 2014 Greenwood Auto Show
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Of course, no car show is complete without a trio of power boats in the Safeway parking lot.

This is the part where I end with some sort of witty, tie-it-together conclusion about the experience. But sorry guys, I'm not a professional, and English professors lost their power to harm me years ago. So I leave you with this: dude! Lookit these cars!

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